1 00:00:00,577 --> 00:00:04,021 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:04,230 --> 00:00:06,410 There are many ways to get into college. 3 00:00:06,556 --> 00:00:10,817 You can study hard, you can be a good leader or 4 00:00:11,819 --> 00:00:13,611 you can ram your head at high rates of speed 5 00:00:13,706 --> 00:00:15,232 into another guy's stomach. 6 00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:17,811 (Boys) MVP! MVP! 7 00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:21,700 Great game, 32. Been keeping an eye on you. 8 00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:24,419 Listen, I'd love to stop by your house sometime, 9 00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:26,091 sit down, get to know you better. 10 00:00:26,187 --> 00:00:28,564 Okay. Who are you? 11 00:00:28,667 --> 00:00:31,663 Sorry. Jack Tracy, East Indiana State. 12 00:00:31,756 --> 00:00:33,974 Chatted with your folks a couple of weeks ago about 13 00:00:34,063 --> 00:00:37,474 you maybe bringing some of that lightning speed to East Indy. 14 00:00:37,588 --> 00:00:40,531 I could easily see you as a dragon. 15 00:00:40,911 --> 00:00:43,441 Sweet. I love dragons. 16 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:44,834 Really? 17 00:00:45,047 --> 00:00:47,439 A recruiter is coming to our house? 18 00:00:47,558 --> 00:00:49,776 Is this real? Is this really real? 19 00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:51,376 So help me, if you're lying about this, Axl, 20 00:00:51,455 --> 00:00:52,872 I will punch you in the throat. 21 00:00:52,977 --> 00:00:54,461 Wait, when's he coming? Tuesday's good. 22 00:00:54,569 --> 00:00:55,851 That way you can talk about the Monday night game. 23 00:00:55,935 --> 00:00:57,069 No, wait-- Friday. 24 00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:59,533 That way he's thinking about you the rest of the weekend. 25 00:00:59,619 --> 00:01:00,928 Oh, damn it. Now I can't make up my mind. 26 00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:04,146 Oh, my God. Someone could help us pay for Axl's college. 27 00:01:04,235 --> 00:01:07,783 Mike, this means we might be able to retire in our early 90s. 28 00:01:07,876 --> 00:01:09,350 (Whispers) I love you. 29 00:01:09,731 --> 00:01:10,779 Sports hug! 30 00:01:10,930 --> 00:01:12,825 Oh! Okay. All right. I'm out. 31 00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:15,863 Feel free to keep groping each other, though. 32 00:01:16,974 --> 00:01:18,107 (Sighs) 33 00:01:18,465 --> 00:01:20,179 I'm telling ya, just when you think 34 00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:21,999 you're never gonna get any money back on these kids... 35 00:01:22,093 --> 00:01:25,031 Can you believe it? He's coming to interview Axl. 36 00:01:25,164 --> 00:01:26,646 (Crunch) 37 00:01:26,769 --> 00:01:28,665 Eh... three... 38 00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:29,577 Four... 39 00:01:30,934 --> 00:01:32,636 Five. Personal best. 40 00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:36,014 Oh, God. He's coming to interview Axl. 41 00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:37,888 Six. Ooh. 42 00:01:38,042 --> 00:01:40,102 Yep, if we had any chance of impressing this recruiter, 43 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,324 we were gonna have to put on a big show, 44 00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:45,036 so I sent the kids to borrow a fancy chip platter. 45 00:01:45,509 --> 00:01:46,784 (Blows air) (Sue and Brick cough) 46 00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:48,206 And tell her to keep it. 47 00:01:48,293 --> 00:01:50,455 Oh, no, aunt Edie. We'll bring it back. 48 00:01:50,579 --> 00:01:52,561 What do I need it for? 49 00:01:52,691 --> 00:01:54,634 And while Ginny's on the potty, 50 00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:57,966 I wanna slip you guys some things. 51 00:01:59,697 --> 00:02:01,353 But we don't want your stuff, aunt Edie. 52 00:02:01,487 --> 00:02:03,595 Well, you can't take it with you, 53 00:02:03,711 --> 00:02:06,992 and at our age, it's not things that make us happy. 54 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,295 It's cigarettes and booze. (Chuckles) 55 00:02:11,224 --> 00:02:13,683 Now take a sucky candy before you go. 56 00:02:23,670 --> 00:02:24,574 (Sighs) 57 00:02:28,470 --> 00:02:30,460 Hey, buddy. How's it going? 58 00:02:30,853 --> 00:02:32,121 Mind if we chat a minute? 59 00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:35,076 Oh, no. No! Go away. I don't need you. 60 00:02:35,161 --> 00:02:36,919 Don't worry about the interview. I got it covered. 61 00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:39,126 Do you, Axl? This is huge. 62 00:02:39,223 --> 00:02:41,809 Now this recruiter is not just looking at football. 63 00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:43,216 He's gonna be looking to see whether 64 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,216 you're the kind of kid they want at their school. 65 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,631 Duh. I know how to behave in situations. 66 00:02:47,763 --> 00:02:48,699 Oh, yeah? 67 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,218 You once stuck gum to the side of a casket at a funeral. 68 00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:52,734 You're not allowed to "duh" us. 69 00:02:52,822 --> 00:02:54,969 Aah! Stop with the lecture. This is torture. 70 00:02:55,065 --> 00:02:57,614 Now when your mom and I are talking during the interview, 71 00:02:57,716 --> 00:02:59,865 no pretending to shoot yourself, or... 72 00:02:59,954 --> 00:03:02,170 Choke yourself, or kill yourself in any way. 73 00:03:02,279 --> 00:03:03,911 Don't lick food off your body. 74 00:03:04,023 --> 00:03:07,241 Don't call the recruiter "Broski," "Broseph," "Broham"... 75 00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:09,417 Don't say "lame" or "uck" or "God." 76 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,270 I don't believe this. It's like you have no faith in me at all. 77 00:03:12,354 --> 00:03:13,249 Now you're getting it. 78 00:03:13,350 --> 00:03:14,597 And when they ask you why you want to go to college, 79 00:03:14,705 --> 00:03:15,676 what are you gonna say? 80 00:03:15,773 --> 00:03:18,058 Uh, to get away from my lame parents. 81 00:03:18,153 --> 00:03:20,126 He just said "lame." Are you even listening? 82 00:03:20,247 --> 00:03:22,166 Look, this is not just about you, Axl. 83 00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:23,262 In case you haven't noticed 84 00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:24,677 the sharp drop in caviar deliveries, 85 00:03:24,773 --> 00:03:26,010 money's tight. 86 00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,288 You getting a scholarship helps this whole family. 87 00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:31,537 So if you're not sure what to say, let us do the talking. 88 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,000 Oh, right, 'cause I can't be trusted. 89 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:38,007 Who knows what I'll do? I'm an uncivilized caveman who-- 90 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,235 (Passes gas) 91 00:03:39,334 --> 00:03:41,456 Sorry. That only happened 'cause I was doing this. 92 00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:44,435 Chill, okay? I'll be ready for Thursday. 93 00:03:45,844 --> 00:03:46,797 The interview's Wednesday. 94 00:03:46,884 --> 00:03:48,352 Whatever! Wednesday! 95 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,139 (Clanking) Another Martini shaker... 96 00:03:53,645 --> 00:03:54,829 Ashtray... 97 00:03:56,677 --> 00:03:58,377 Bird lighter... 98 00:04:00,525 --> 00:04:03,700 Ooh. Jesus lighter. 99 00:04:03,972 --> 00:04:06,141 "I am the light of the world." 100 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,975 Toss it in my pile. I don't have a lighter yet. 101 00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:12,762 Oh, wow. 102 00:04:12,848 --> 00:04:14,399 This is ancient, 103 00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:17,076 like, from the '90s. 104 00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:19,152 What's this? 105 00:04:19,531 --> 00:04:21,410 (Ticking) 106 00:04:21,516 --> 00:04:23,858 I think something to do with music, but I don't know. 107 00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:26,002 (Both at once) I want it! 108 00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:31,625 (Tony Orlando and Dawn's "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" playing) 109 00:04:32,122 --> 00:04:33,310 (Beep) 110 00:04:33,768 --> 00:04:35,275 Aunt Edie's phone. 111 00:04:36,632 --> 00:04:39,293 Well, we're not sure which candidate we'll be supporting, 112 00:04:39,391 --> 00:04:42,514 but we will certainly keep Bill Brodis in mind. 113 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:43,761 (Beep) 114 00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:44,778 The phone works. 115 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:48,136 I have a phone that works. (Gasps) Oh! I have... 116 00:04:48,230 --> 00:04:50,756 (Lowered voice) I have a phone! 117 00:04:50,861 --> 00:04:53,321 Correction-- We have a phone. 118 00:04:53,681 --> 00:04:55,111 No way. You got the tick-tock thing. 119 00:04:55,227 --> 00:04:56,583 But you're getting one for your birthday. 120 00:04:56,669 --> 00:04:59,166 (Gasps) What? Really? 121 00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:01,584 I was reading in mom's bathroom when I overheard her say 122 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:04,559 she's gonna give you her old phone as a present. 123 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,558 Oh, my God. I'm getting mom's old phone! 124 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:11,353 (Gasps) Oh, but wait-- That's in three months from now. 125 00:05:11,486 --> 00:05:13,147 I need to text carly now. 126 00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:14,845 Hey, I have phoning needs, too. 127 00:05:14,952 --> 00:05:17,116 You have no friends. Who could you possibly need to call? 128 00:05:17,227 --> 00:05:19,007 Sometimes the library has limited hours 129 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:21,047 due to city budget restrictions. 130 00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:23,514 Brick, you cannot debate me on who needs to be more reachable. 131 00:05:24,748 --> 00:05:26,268 Fine, keep it. 132 00:05:26,382 --> 00:05:27,830 I'll just tell. 133 00:05:28,085 --> 00:05:29,181 (Gasps) Brick. 134 00:05:29,601 --> 00:05:31,821 What would Jesus lighter say? 135 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,271 Based on his philosophy of love, he'd say we should share. 136 00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:36,848 Every other day? 137 00:05:37,079 --> 00:05:38,152 Okay. 138 00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:40,942 It's really old. Does it even text? 139 00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:43,079 I don't know. (Gasps) 140 00:05:43,322 --> 00:05:45,732 I know. I think mom left her phone on the counter. Here. 141 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:48,469 You send a text, I'll go check. 142 00:05:50,343 --> 00:05:52,458 (Cell phone alert chimes) 143 00:05:56,059 --> 00:05:58,513 Oh, my God. Aunt Edie texted "help"? 144 00:05:58,802 --> 00:06:00,385 I gotta get over there. 145 00:06:01,625 --> 00:06:02,566 (Exhales sharply) 146 00:06:04,944 --> 00:06:06,023 "Help," Brick? 147 00:06:06,146 --> 00:06:09,265 You know a bajillion words, and that's the one you go with? 148 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,246 "Help"? 149 00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:11,825 No, I said "kelp"! 150 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,885 Hey, how's aunt Edie? Everything okay over there? 151 00:06:17,016 --> 00:06:18,582 Ugh, she doesn't remember texting 152 00:06:18,687 --> 00:06:20,891 and she doesn't even know where her phone is. 153 00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:23,367 Then she gave me a lighter and a gravy boat. 154 00:06:24,421 --> 00:06:26,393 I don't know why she would text "help." 155 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,652 Yeah. It was a weird choice. 156 00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:31,560 Ugh. Wait. What was I thinking? 157 00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:35,083 Should have called the number while I was over there. 158 00:06:35,225 --> 00:06:36,176 All right. 159 00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:38,516 Maybe she'll hear it and answer. (Cell phone rings) 160 00:06:38,645 --> 00:06:43,185 (Tony Orlando and Dawn's "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" plays) (Coughs) 161 00:06:43,477 --> 00:06:45,356 No. She's not picking up. 162 00:06:45,495 --> 00:06:46,658 (Beep) Forget it. I'm done. 163 00:06:52,187 --> 00:06:54,447 Did Brick just take a jar of mayonnaise? 164 00:06:55,513 --> 00:06:57,868 Whatever. It's Brick. Don't worry about it. 165 00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:02,712 (Sue) Hi. You've reached Sue, unless it's Tuesday, Thursday, 166 00:07:02,796 --> 00:07:04,245 Saturday, or Monday before noon... 167 00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:05,245 Hello? 168 00:07:05,338 --> 00:07:06,782 In which case, you've reached Brick. 169 00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:10,850 No, I don't have your dog. I'm just curious. 170 00:07:11,035 --> 00:07:12,340 Text me when you find it. 171 00:07:12,950 --> 00:07:13,387 (Beep) 172 00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:18,401 Where the hell is Axl? 173 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,226 The recruiter's gonna be here any second and-- Axl! 174 00:07:21,461 --> 00:07:22,979 Calm down. You're making me nervous. 175 00:07:23,078 --> 00:07:25,699 (Doorbell rings) Great. He's here, and no Axl. 176 00:07:26,688 --> 00:07:29,173 He'd better not blow this. Axl? 177 00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:31,311 - Hello. - Hi. 178 00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,849 Hey, Mrs. Heck. 179 00:07:33,091 --> 00:07:33,960 Mm-hmm. 180 00:07:34,058 --> 00:07:35,498 Mr. Heck. Great seeing you again. 181 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,916 So where's our superstar? 182 00:07:38,031 --> 00:07:39,619 If I know my son, 183 00:07:39,728 --> 00:07:41,769 he's still hunkered down at his desk studying. 184 00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:43,350 Ah. Or practicing football. 185 00:07:43,455 --> 00:07:46,279 Yep, it's all books and pigskin with that kid. 186 00:07:46,363 --> 00:07:47,457 And the Bible. 187 00:07:47,575 --> 00:07:48,205 Oh. 188 00:07:48,288 --> 00:07:50,662 - Anyway, uh, he should be-- - Hi. 189 00:07:52,374 --> 00:07:55,418 Mr. Tracy. Great seeing you again. 190 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:56,744 Welcome to our house. Please, come in. 191 00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:57,772 - Thank you. - Have a seat. 192 00:07:57,865 --> 00:07:59,039 Thank you. 193 00:08:01,632 --> 00:08:02,538 Okay. 194 00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:03,890 (Chuckles) 195 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,251 Okay. 196 00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:06,757 All right. Axl, let's get to it. 197 00:08:07,012 --> 00:08:08,645 I've seen you play, but tell me, 198 00:08:08,728 --> 00:08:11,804 what makes you a well-rounded fit for East Indiana State? 199 00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:14,402 I mean, we're not just a jock farm. 200 00:08:14,519 --> 00:08:16,926 Oh, Axl's a lot more than that. 201 00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:19,765 He's very into charity... 202 00:08:19,884 --> 00:08:21,160 And... 203 00:08:21,295 --> 00:08:23,887 Anything with... Africa. 204 00:08:24,278 --> 00:08:25,305 And, well, 205 00:08:25,413 --> 00:08:28,991 you see, uh, Axl's really been gearing up for his future, 206 00:08:29,097 --> 00:08:33,107 and he has future goals about his college future. 207 00:08:33,252 --> 00:08:34,998 The thing is-- 208 00:08:35,073 --> 00:08:36,425 I think what my parents are trying to say is 209 00:08:36,538 --> 00:08:40,217 I'd be lying if at 16 I said I knew what I wanted to study, 210 00:08:40,306 --> 00:08:43,304 but you have a great school, and I find if you try your best, 211 00:08:43,394 --> 00:08:45,505 you end up doing something you love. 212 00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:47,648 Great answer-- 213 00:08:47,796 --> 00:08:48,871 Honest. 214 00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:51,114 Now I know my grades are not the best, 215 00:08:51,237 --> 00:08:56,271 and I'm really working to improve them so there're more *vis-a-vis my athletics. 216 00:08:56,863 --> 00:08:58,520 Oh, I tell you, with an attitude like that, 217 00:08:58,598 --> 00:09:00,102 you're gonna have a lot of choices. 218 00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:03,589 But hey, this isn't just about me kicking your tires. 219 00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:05,001 Do you have any questions for me? 220 00:09:05,158 --> 00:09:07,280 Actually, I do, Mr. Tracy. 221 00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:10,448 What made you decide you wanted to work at East Indiana State? 222 00:09:10,573 --> 00:09:13,182 Whoa, all-out blitz. I love it. 223 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,779 Most kids just want to know about the parties. 224 00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:18,306 Oh. Pfft. I'm gonna get to that. 225 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,384 (Laughs) 226 00:09:19,463 --> 00:09:21,237 (All laugh) 227 00:09:21,432 --> 00:09:23,309 Come on, Brick. It's my turn. 228 00:09:23,414 --> 00:09:25,331 I've still got ten seconds left. 229 00:09:25,473 --> 00:09:31,811 (Ticking) 230 00:09:31,915 --> 00:09:34,120 (Cell phone vibrates, rings) 231 00:09:34,195 --> 00:09:37,037 See? Glad I held on to it. Could be the dog people. 232 00:09:37,182 --> 00:09:37,766 (Beep) 233 00:09:37,835 --> 00:09:39,441 "Alert from Indiana Mobile. 234 00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:41,859 "You have exceeded your monthly text plan. 235 00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:46,479 A $68.34 overage will be added to your next bill." 236 00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:48,463 You're right. You're older. You should have the phone. 237 00:09:48,549 --> 00:09:49,975 No way. That text came in your watch. 238 00:09:50,075 --> 00:09:50,920 (Gasps) 239 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,703 Oh, no. 240 00:09:53,928 --> 00:09:54,645 What? 241 00:09:54,737 --> 00:09:56,678 Mom pays aunt Edie's bills. 242 00:09:56,801 --> 00:10:00,107 We are gonna get so busted. Ugh, I can't believe it. 243 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,106 I was just three months away from having my own phone, 244 00:10:02,206 --> 00:10:04,186 and now mom is never gonna let me have it. 245 00:10:04,277 --> 00:10:06,902 I can't go back to a landline. I just can't! 246 00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:09,661 It's like being chained to a wall. 247 00:10:09,769 --> 00:10:12,255 What are we gonna do, Brick? Oh, my God. This is terrible. 248 00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:13,544 I can't believe it. 249 00:10:13,657 --> 00:10:17,351 (Gasping) (Tony Orlando and Dawn's "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" playing) 250 00:10:17,435 --> 00:10:19,497 It's my guitar teacher. I gotta take this. 251 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:20,233 (Beep) 252 00:10:20,306 --> 00:10:21,822 Y-ello? 253 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:22,699 Shh. 254 00:10:23,283 --> 00:10:25,190 Really glad I got to know you better, Axl. 255 00:10:25,287 --> 00:10:26,428 Likewise, Mr. Tracy, 256 00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:27,953 and I'd really love to get more information 257 00:10:28,035 --> 00:10:30,292 on that international business program you were talking about. 258 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,172 You got it. Good night. 259 00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:33,345 Night. 260 00:10:37,758 --> 00:10:38,998 Wow. 261 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,776 Can you believe our son? 262 00:10:40,859 --> 00:10:44,383 He was charming, he was funny, he had all the right answers. 263 00:10:45,807 --> 00:10:47,615 What the hell was that?! 264 00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:49,054 What? I thought I killed it. 265 00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:50,331 Oh, you killed it, all right. 266 00:10:50,403 --> 00:10:51,889 You killed it all over the place! 267 00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:53,987 Damn it, Axl. I was so worried you'd blow this, 268 00:10:54,081 --> 00:10:55,212 I almost had a heart attack, 269 00:10:55,304 --> 00:10:58,276 and then I look like an idiot with that "future goals" crap, 270 00:10:58,381 --> 00:11:00,812 and you come out swinging with "vis-a-vis"? 271 00:11:00,915 --> 00:11:03,128 And I'm not sure, but I even think you used it right. 272 00:11:03,247 --> 00:11:05,039 It was on the PSATS. 273 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,743 What's your problem? Thought you'd be proud. 274 00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:08,339 You know, every time Nancy Donahue said, 275 00:11:08,442 --> 00:11:10,032 "Axl's so polite at our house," 276 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:12,566 I assumed she was lying to spare my feelings. 277 00:11:12,665 --> 00:11:14,285 And once, your English teacher wrote 278 00:11:14,372 --> 00:11:16,926 "a pleasure to have in class" on the back of your report card. 279 00:11:17,033 --> 00:11:18,394 I thought it was a typo! 280 00:11:18,509 --> 00:11:21,157 But you are a pleasure, aren't you? 281 00:11:21,266 --> 00:11:22,945 Okay, liking the words, 282 00:11:23,064 --> 00:11:25,168 but confused by the bulging neck veins. 283 00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,193 They're bulging because 284 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:30,972 I'm wondering how you can be all charming and colin firth-y 285 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:34,114 with this guy and Nancy Donahue and God knows who else. 286 00:11:34,212 --> 00:11:36,342 How come you never bring your best for us, huh? 287 00:11:36,439 --> 00:11:38,597 Oh, like you bring your best for us? 288 00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:42,935 Wait, what? I bring my best. I bring my best 24/7. 289 00:11:43,038 --> 00:11:45,189 Yeah, right. I don't see you bringing me dip and lemonade. 290 00:11:45,279 --> 00:11:47,498 It's always, "I'm too tired. Make your own lunch." 291 00:11:47,578 --> 00:11:50,569 Well, the color of the pot is black, vis-a-vis the kettle. 292 00:11:50,664 --> 00:11:52,969 We're not talking about me. We're talking about you. Ugh. 293 00:11:53,084 --> 00:11:56,167 You were so amazing tonight, I can't even look at you! 294 00:11:56,276 --> 00:11:57,918 I know. Nice job! 295 00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:02,869 You know, I liked that Jack. 296 00:12:03,005 --> 00:12:04,950 My dip was kind of gross, and he still ate it. 297 00:12:05,078 --> 00:12:07,765 I'll like him more when he gives Axl a free ride. 298 00:12:07,885 --> 00:12:10,070 And don't ever make that dip again. 299 00:12:10,191 --> 00:12:12,995 What is this? This a pimple? 300 00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:14,708 I'm squeezing it, but nothing's happening. 301 00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:17,272 I don't know. Give it another day. 302 00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:23,411 And then I saw a truly horrific sight-- 303 00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:24,851 The truth. 304 00:12:24,928 --> 00:12:27,427 There I was, hunched over like Quasimodo, 305 00:12:27,554 --> 00:12:30,326 picking a back zit, wearing a holey t-shirt 306 00:12:30,411 --> 00:12:32,142 I pulled out of the dirty clothes. 307 00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:35,400 Axl was right. This is not my best. 308 00:12:35,518 --> 00:12:38,074 Maybe none of us were bringing our best for each other. 309 00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:40,137 Whoa. Careful, mom. 310 00:12:40,249 --> 00:12:42,118 You're gonna crush my chips. 311 00:12:45,401 --> 00:12:46,543 (Sneezes) 312 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,104 - Have a good one. - Mm-hmm. 313 00:12:54,212 --> 00:12:55,241 (Burps) Mm. 314 00:12:57,269 --> 00:12:59,401 And that was just Tuesday. 315 00:13:04,318 --> 00:13:05,129 Hi. 316 00:13:05,232 --> 00:13:08,599 Um, I'd like to pay my $68.34 texting charge 317 00:13:08,681 --> 00:13:09,827 in cash this month. 318 00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:11,086 Name on the account? 319 00:13:11,187 --> 00:13:14,974 Aunt Edie-- An-- toinette Edie, 320 00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:16,885 but I just go by Edie. 321 00:13:16,984 --> 00:13:18,267 Your last name? 322 00:13:18,393 --> 00:13:19,642 (Lowered voice) What is aunt Edie's last name? 323 00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:21,071 (Lowered voice) I don't know. 324 00:13:21,163 --> 00:13:22,541 I always just call her "aunt Edie." 325 00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:23,705 Oh, I think I found you, 326 00:13:23,813 --> 00:13:26,073 and yes, you did go over your text allowance this month. 327 00:13:26,182 --> 00:13:30,195 You sent 743 texts, and you were allowed... 328 00:13:31,317 --> 00:13:32,298 One. 329 00:13:32,407 --> 00:13:35,863 (Chuckles) Guess I was really blowing up this month. 330 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,558 Okay. This is... 331 00:13:38,658 --> 00:13:41,563 Exactly $48.92. 332 00:13:41,716 --> 00:13:44,113 Plus this vintage bird lighter, 333 00:13:44,222 --> 00:13:46,397 which has gotta be worth at least 20 bucks. 334 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:49,658 Oh, and also, I'd like to turn in my phone. 335 00:13:49,786 --> 00:13:52,895 Oh, turn in or trade in? 336 00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:55,585 'Cause it says here you're eligible for a free second phone 337 00:13:55,691 --> 00:13:57,838 if you sign up for the two year family plan. 338 00:13:57,939 --> 00:13:59,338 It's only $5 a month. 339 00:13:59,466 --> 00:14:01,005 Really? 340 00:14:02,224 --> 00:14:05,045 Sue, we're stealing from our aunt, 341 00:14:05,152 --> 00:14:06,474 we're lying to our parents-- 342 00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:09,566 We're in too deep on this. We gotta get out. 343 00:14:09,705 --> 00:14:10,985 Did I mention you'll also receive 344 00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:14,192 an international charger and a handy belt clip? 345 00:14:16,114 --> 00:14:17,844 Now when you say "international," 346 00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:19,996 does that include Canada and Puerto Rico? 347 00:14:23,056 --> 00:14:23,954 I don't get it. 348 00:14:24,046 --> 00:14:26,291 I'm so helpful and considerate to others, 349 00:14:26,401 --> 00:14:29,407 but at home, it's like I don't even try. 350 00:14:29,497 --> 00:14:30,884 I so get it. 351 00:14:30,997 --> 00:14:33,151 My mom won't even invite me out of my room 352 00:14:33,234 --> 00:14:35,997 to say hi to her gal friends in her Bridge Club anymore. 353 00:14:36,112 --> 00:14:37,742 It's like I'm a guest in my mom's house. 354 00:14:37,848 --> 00:14:38,913 Well, no more. 355 00:14:39,023 --> 00:14:42,959 I'm gonna be the tiny ember that ignites the fire of change. 356 00:14:43,069 --> 00:14:45,653 Wow. That is so deep. 357 00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,169 Yeah. I heard it on a show about a family fat camp. 358 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:48,960 Really? 359 00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:51,295 Oh, come on. 360 00:14:51,871 --> 00:14:55,357 Here comes homemade meatloaf and mashed potatoes 361 00:14:55,439 --> 00:14:57,705 with a touch of TLC. 362 00:14:57,806 --> 00:14:59,497 I tried to find something that everyone-- 363 00:14:59,595 --> 00:15:00,538 Later. 364 00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:02,455 Hey, hey, hey. Where you going? 365 00:15:02,558 --> 00:15:03,875 What? I'm done eating. 366 00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:05,451 I was gonna go watch the East Indiana game. 367 00:15:05,577 --> 00:15:08,809 Look, I made this myself off the back of a box, so sit. 368 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,292 Ugh! 369 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,007 Let's talk. 370 00:15:12,138 --> 00:15:13,145 So you told the recruiter 371 00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,273 you were interested in studying international business? 372 00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:19,353 Stop it. I was in school all day. Brain, off. 373 00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,020 Isn't that the normal setting? 374 00:15:21,141 --> 00:15:22,066 (Blows air) 375 00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:24,507 Brick? Sue? 376 00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,776 Anything interesting happen to you guys today? 377 00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:27,900 - Nah. - No. 378 00:15:28,259 --> 00:15:29,266 (Cell phones vibrating) 379 00:15:29,497 --> 00:15:30,370 Well, then. 380 00:15:30,456 --> 00:15:32,655 Let's talk about my day. Let's see, um... 381 00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:36,012 I almost made a sale. And-- Oh. Listen to this, Mike. 382 00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:38,180 I got a strange call from the phone company, 383 00:15:38,273 --> 00:15:40,314 saying that aunt Edie sent hundreds of texts 384 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,653 she doesn't even remember sending 385 00:15:41,738 --> 00:15:43,520 and she added a phone to her plan. 386 00:15:43,671 --> 00:15:46,063 I don't know. I'm worried about her. 387 00:15:46,198 --> 00:15:47,012 Hmm. 388 00:15:47,326 --> 00:15:50,796 I hate to admit it, but maybe it's time to put 'em in a home. 389 00:15:52,771 --> 00:15:53,907 (Clicks, cell phones vibrate) 390 00:15:54,457 --> 00:15:55,558 (Sighs) 391 00:15:56,140 --> 00:15:57,680 Just go. 392 00:16:01,773 --> 00:16:02,950 (Crowd on tv roaring) Can we go, too? 393 00:16:03,036 --> 00:16:04,265 Yeah, my battery's dead. 394 00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:06,320 You know, metaphorically. 395 00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:08,968 Long day. (Grunts) 396 00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:10,319 Fine. Whatever. 397 00:16:13,296 --> 00:16:14,311 (Sighs) 398 00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:18,430 So, Mike, anything happen at work today? 399 00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:19,560 Nope. 400 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,189 (Whistle blows) Uh-huh. Go on. 401 00:16:22,563 --> 00:16:24,079 We got a new rock crusher. 402 00:16:24,659 --> 00:16:28,899 Oh, wow. Crushing rocks-- Sounds exciting. 403 00:16:29,016 --> 00:16:30,179 It's not. 404 00:16:32,279 --> 00:16:34,200 What are you staring at me for? 405 00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:35,986 I got something on my face? 406 00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:38,336 Oh, just listening to my husband, 407 00:16:38,447 --> 00:16:40,227 being present, wanting to hear 408 00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:43,592 what the most important person in the world to me did today. 409 00:16:44,787 --> 00:16:46,594 You wreck the car or something? 410 00:16:46,716 --> 00:16:51,762 (Laughs) You are so funny. I forget how funny you are. 411 00:16:52,362 --> 00:16:54,443 (Axl) Oh, interception! Dad, you're missing it! 412 00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:03,096 (Chair scrapes floor) 413 00:17:05,385 --> 00:17:07,969 I brought my best, 414 00:17:08,558 --> 00:17:10,359 and you didn't even notice. 415 00:17:10,548 --> 00:17:11,392 Oh, boy. 416 00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,521 I made everyone's favorite mashed potatoes, 417 00:17:13,628 --> 00:17:17,553 I put on makeup, I tried to start a conversation, 418 00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,607 hell, I even stayed in my nice pants 419 00:17:19,704 --> 00:17:20,753 instead of throwing on sweats 420 00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:22,967 even though these are cutting into my side. 421 00:17:23,098 --> 00:17:25,279 But did I make a big deal about it? No. 422 00:17:25,401 --> 00:17:26,490 Kind of are now. 423 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,795 I tried to be a tiny ember, 424 00:17:29,926 --> 00:17:33,538 but you people just stomped me right out! 425 00:17:33,711 --> 00:17:34,706 Well, forget it. 426 00:17:34,839 --> 00:17:37,498 I am not gonna try for people who don't try back. 427 00:17:37,593 --> 00:17:39,317 So let's just all park ourselves on the couch 428 00:17:39,418 --> 00:17:40,534 and stick our hands down our pants 429 00:17:40,623 --> 00:17:43,608 and scratch until the cows come home, 'cause I'm done. 430 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:52,700 Well... sooner I go, the sooner I get this over with. 431 00:17:53,095 --> 00:17:53,658 (Grunts) 432 00:17:57,465 --> 00:17:59,128 Hey there, pretty lady. 433 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,524 Shut up. 434 00:18:00,685 --> 00:18:03,711 All I wanted was to bring my best to my family. 435 00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:05,037 That so crazy? 436 00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:08,926 Okay, I don't expect the kids to get it, but you and me... 437 00:18:09,042 --> 00:18:11,254 After they're gone, we're all we got. 438 00:18:11,408 --> 00:18:13,975 We should at least try a little. 439 00:18:16,725 --> 00:18:17,897 (Sighs) 440 00:18:18,008 --> 00:18:19,782 You want to talk about that rock crusher? 441 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,504 It's more than just small talk, Mike. 442 00:18:21,612 --> 00:18:24,981 You know, I see couples at the mall, holding hands, 443 00:18:25,117 --> 00:18:26,939 and the other day, when I went out to get the mail, 444 00:18:27,038 --> 00:18:30,075 I saw the Donahues dancing in their living room. 445 00:18:30,179 --> 00:18:32,903 Literally! They were ballroom dancing! 446 00:18:33,106 --> 00:18:34,748 Look, Frankie, you don't gotta cook us dinner 447 00:18:34,849 --> 00:18:38,391 to show us your best, 'cause that's not really your best, 448 00:18:38,503 --> 00:18:41,218 but I get where you're coming from. 449 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:42,256 You're just saying that 450 00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:44,307 'cause the football game's on a short time out. 451 00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:46,419 No. Really, I-I-I get it. 452 00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:48,267 It's just, isn't there something 453 00:18:48,356 --> 00:18:52,572 in between hands down the pants and ballroom dancing? 454 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,001 I don't know. 455 00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:55,896 (Sighs) 456 00:18:56,699 --> 00:18:57,851 Maybe bowling. 457 00:18:59,095 --> 00:19:00,529 I like bowling. 458 00:19:01,005 --> 00:19:02,935 All right. Well, there you go. 459 00:19:03,104 --> 00:19:04,601 Thursday night, we're going bowling. 460 00:19:04,879 --> 00:19:07,722 Well, look at that. We have a date. 461 00:19:07,901 --> 00:19:08,646 Hmm. 462 00:19:12,358 --> 00:19:14,548 These phones are evil. 463 00:19:14,657 --> 00:19:17,824 I couldn't help it. I was seduced by rollover minutes. 464 00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,959 (Whispers) Rollover minutes. 465 00:19:20,051 --> 00:19:21,457 Yeah, but we never thought about 466 00:19:21,538 --> 00:19:22,681 how our texting could hurt others, 467 00:19:22,778 --> 00:19:25,811 and now aunt Edie is going into a home because of us, 468 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,727 and even worse, we did it all in front of Jesus lighter. 469 00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:33,030 That's it. I'm never using my phone again. 470 00:19:33,353 --> 00:19:34,417 Me, either. 471 00:19:34,985 --> 00:19:36,169 (Cell phones vibrate) Ooh, I got a text. 472 00:19:36,253 --> 00:19:37,366 Me, too. 473 00:19:38,395 --> 00:19:42,068 "Meet me in the kitchen. M-O-M." 474 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,984 What does M-O-M stand for? 475 00:19:48,308 --> 00:19:48,886 (Clatter) 476 00:19:51,602 --> 00:19:52,405 (Clatter) 477 00:19:53,584 --> 00:19:55,046 Turn. 478 00:19:57,578 --> 00:19:58,467 (Clatter) 479 00:19:58,570 --> 00:20:00,244 Are you still putting aunt Edie in a home? 480 00:20:00,391 --> 00:20:01,268 Nope. 481 00:20:01,362 --> 00:20:04,887 In fact, I found two very capable caregivers 482 00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:07,958 to go over and help out every weekend. 483 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:14,919 (Coughs softly) 484 00:20:15,568 --> 00:20:17,162 74... 485 00:20:17,272 --> 00:20:18,531 That's a nicke aunt Edie. 486 00:20:18,637 --> 00:20:20,203 No-- and that's a button. 487 00:20:20,343 --> 00:20:23,521 Thanks again for your patience. Have a great day. 488 00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:25,598 So why do we give our best to strangers? 489 00:20:25,728 --> 00:20:28,425 I mean, you love your family, 490 00:20:28,514 --> 00:20:30,192 so you should give your best to them. 491 00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:31,438 (Laughter on tv) 492 00:20:32,309 --> 00:20:33,794 Damn, it's Thursday. 493 00:20:33,931 --> 00:20:35,215 Weren't we supposed to go bowling? 494 00:20:35,389 --> 00:20:36,446 Ohh. 495 00:20:36,846 --> 00:20:40,116 But I'm so comfy here, and I'm already in my sweats. 496 00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,461 But the great thing is 497 00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:43,725 they love you so you don't have to. 498 00:20:44,332 --> 00:20:46,408 Ew. Who cut one? 499 00:20:46,848 --> 00:20:48,649 Axl had the garlic fries. 500 00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:50,383 No way. Smells like a mom fart. 501 00:20:50,557 --> 00:20:51,805 Oh, yeah. 502 00:20:52,341 --> 00:20:55,460 Definitely a SBF-- Silent but Frankie. 503 00:20:56,327 --> 00:20:57,039 (All chuckle) 504 00:20:57,985 --> 00:21:01,419 (Man and woman on tv speak indistinctly, laughter) 505 00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:07,645 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 506 00:21:07,695 --> 00:21:12,245 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0